The Anti-Bride Plans a Wedding

Those of you who know me know that I have been decidedly anti-bride pretty much my whole life. Now, by "anti-bride" I don't mean I am against getting married, or against weddings as a whole. I am just not into all the hoopla that a "having a wedding" has become.
It makes makes me a little ill that there is an entire "wedding industry." It makes me even more ill to know that we, as a nation, spend the equivalent of the gross national product of small countries on these events. AND it makes me even MORE ill that there are those people out there (you know who you are) that knit-pick every teeny-tiny detail of each wedding "extravaganza," comparing one to another and deciding which events were "fabulous, dahling" and which were just "blasse."
Weddings have become a status symbol.
But not ours.
Oh no.
After being an anti-bride for nearly 30 years, I am now getting married.
And I'll be damned if I am going to be that bride.
Here's my day-by-day story as I try to stay calm, sane, and most importantly real about the whole thing.